I’ve learned a lot about relationships over the past few
years…the last 6 months, especially. When we experience extraordinarily
challenging times in our lives it often becomes clear who our real friends are.
I have found that my relationships have been strengthened, dissolved or “back-burnered”
and moved to an acquaintance level.
There is a quote I love – “We never lose friends, we just learn who our real friends are.” I believe
this is true. As we go through life we have many relationships – personal,
romantic, professional. The expectation that people come into our lives to stay
is not realistic. We are all in a constant state of change and that means our
relationships will evolve and change as we do. Accepting that most
relationships are “seasonal” can help us to see the relationship as a gift and
for the lessons we learned when it comes to an end rather than being bitter or
holding a grudge or harboring other negative feelings.
Relationships with others are a gift. Every relationship has
the potential to offer us an opportunity to grow and to impact the lives of
others in a positive way. However, part of our human nature is that some of us
are more “poison” to one another, meaning that we end up creating more drama
and negativity than necessary. It’s just the way life is. Learning to recognize
these people that serve as “poison” early on can save us a lot of heart ache
and learning to know how to handle these types of relationships and accepting
the fact that it is okay to let them
go can free up a lot of emotional space in our lives.
I’ve always been a “people pleaser”. I want to make everyone happy, even if it means
sacrificing myself and my own feelings and desires to do so. I’m not alone,
many of us do this. It is not an admirable quality. Denying who you are and how
you feel is a disservice to everyone, primarily to yourself.
One of the most valuable lessons about relationships that I
have learned over the last 6 months is that it is okay to let go. It is okay
to decline participating in a relationship that does not feed my soul. It is okay to admit that there are friends,
partners, family members and clients that do not add value to my life. This is
not to say that there is anything wrong with me or with the other person –
simply that together, we aren’t providing value to one another. I have learned
to step quietly away from relationships that aren’t serving me, relationships
that cause me more angst than peace. I have learned that it is perfectly acceptable
to walk away from relationships and people that do not encourage and support
who I am and who I have the potential to become.
Life is a constant lesson. Every day we are learning and
growing into ourselves…if we choose to be in a state of awareness to receive
the lessons. It’s not always easy to realize and move away from those
relationships that are toxic to us, but if we become more aware of them, at
least we have the conscious choice to stay in or move away. Letting go isn’t
easy and sometimes we’re not ready. That’s okay too. Just being aware that it’s
something we probably need to learn to let go of is sometimes all we need to
do. All things happen in perfect timing.
We never “lose” people, we move on.
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