Time Out!!!

Everyone who knows me personally knows how much I love being a competitive physique athlete. I thrive on the personal challenge that every competition gives me. My close friends would also be able to tell you that I "abuse" my sport. I know you're probably wondering what I mean by "abuse", so I'll tell you, in my terms, what that means.

Every single time I've stepped on stage I have done so to run from something, someone or some situation that was affecting me in a negative way. "If only I distract myself with a competition, it won't hurt so much. If I'm too busy with training and focusing on my prep, I can power through it." The problem with that is...the contest comes and it goes and the "thing", the person, the situation is still there waiting for me. "Oh, oops! I guess I'll just pick another show so I have no down time to deal with this. Yes, if I just keep myself in the throws of contest prep I can keep avoiding [person, place or thing]"

This last run of contests was, by far, the longest stretch yet. I guess you could say I had some pretty extreme pain and competing became my "painkiller." It allowed me to power through some dark days, it allowed me to isolate myself from new people (read: not moving on), it allowed me a positive distraction. But, even a positive distraction can become a negative thing if it's keeping you from dealing with things that must be dealt with. Feelings and situations that won't go away...they'll just sit on the sidelines waiting for you to deal with them once and for all.

Our bodies know things our hearts and our minds do not. I believe that the capabilities of our physical bodies far outweigh those of our emotions and our minds. I believe that, for the better part of the last year, my body has been begging me to take a "time out" to deal with some things I have been using contest prep to avoid. I am listening now and I've decided that not only my body, but my spirit, needs to take a break. I'm not sure how long. I do love competing for what the process gives to  me and the challenge to be better than the "me" I used to be. I know for sure I will not compete again this year. I've made that a promise 1st to myself, 2nd to some other valued friends...because I need to be held accountable. It's like an addiction for me - when the going gets tough, I want to throw myself into contest prep.

More than my body needing a break, I need to force myself to do "normal" things. Right now, I am enjoying more time with my children in the evenings and on the weekends. I am enjoying sleeping in on Sunday mornings, without pressuring myself to get out of bed and doing cardio at 6am. I am enjoying my "high carb" day to eat normal people food and enjoy social eating with loved ones. While it is good to have a nutrition plan, it can become a bad thing when you allow it to keep you from social situations. That was a choice I made and it now time for me to choose differently. Contest dieting is fine and can be healthy, but it does need parameters and it's not meant to be an ALL YEAR deal. I wanted to isolate myself and my diet allowed a great excuse.

It's time for me to stop abusing my contest prep and start living again. I am, however, still on a program and have a target goal. My good friend and colleague, Jon Blodgett (along with his wife, Erin, also my pal) is in charge of all my training and nutrition right now. He's got me on a fat loss/muscle gain program that I'm loving and is giving my life much-needed balance. I am also taking this "time out" to do some work for my sponsor, NDS Nutrition. I will be running their booth at the Night of Champions on September 28th in Spokane, WA and at the Washington Ironman on October 5th in Seattle. I am excited to have the opportunity to represent them for their very first appearance at the Ironman!

I like to think that I will get on stage in 2014 but I have to do it for no other reason than because I LOVE IT and because I just WANT to.