Mr Wrongs & Kissing Frogs

I recently read a blog post by a single gal about what most women want in a man and I decided to take the time to read through the comments on the post itself and on her affiliated social media sites. I find it fascinating, I guess...especially as someone who has spent the last 4 1/2 years mostly single. While I have dated (more than I care to admit) and had a few not-so-serious and one serious relationship during that time, I consider myself single for all intents and purposes.

I've dated a lot of Mr Wrongs and I have kissed a lot of frogs. I like to think I kissed more than my fair share - so considering I've taken a few "for the team"...you're welcome ladies! The last year and a half (the "YWOD") I decided to take time off. I kept choosing the wrong dude over and over and over again and it was time to figure out why and fix it. Why was I picking Mr. Wrong? Because I thought that was all I deserved and that was also all I knew. It was my habit to pick guys that weren't going to treat me right because I was never going to expect them to. After the year was over and I felt like I was ready to date again I found myself taking an entirely different approach than I ever had before, which resulted in about one date in the last 6 months. If there was any doubt in my mind, I said no. My time is precious and I no longer needed to fill it with some guy that was going to give me the wrong kind of attention for a few minutes.

Taking full responsibility for my decisions in my dating life, I believe, is huge in getting to where I am now. I never went through a "man hating" stage and I never blamed men for the fact that I was single. I see this happen with women a lot. We allow ourselves to play the victim - "men are not treating us the way we want and therefore we are single." No, that's not it. There are equally as many bad women out there as there are men. Pointing the finger and saying that "men suck" or "women suck" is probably not going to get you very far on the path to finding your soul mate.

Like attracts like. It's hard to own that sometimes when you realize that the kind of people you are attracting are not at all the kind of people that you want to hang with. But it's true. If you don't value yourself, if you don't expect someone to treat you with respect you sure aren't going to get it. And when you do expect to be treated well and treated respectfully you'll notice that those are the people that are in your life.

When we stop pointing the finger at other people and start looking in the mirror we make progress. Sometimes you have to be still and take a "time out" to really figure out what it is you want in your life and get to a place where you truly feel like you deserve all that you want. When we stop blaming and start working on ourselves miracles happen when you least expect it.

It's out there. You have to believe, you have to wait for it and you have to settle for nothing less.